A DECADE COME, A DECADE GONE...

So thinking back to the last 10 years, I got a bit of a laugh when re-hashing what was going down in NYE of 1999/2000:

-I was working for THE GAP...

-I listened to a lot of House and Trance... obsessed w/ Ibiza...

-I was living with my roomate Kalvin in Vancouver, BC on Barclay St.

-But I was actually w/ my mother in Crescent City, CA... where we had hit up a Safeway to grab a few things and I had passed out in the middle of the bread aisle...

-A woman whom I had never met had given me $10,000 USD.

-I had been to only 10 countries (more or less) at that very time

-I was 22

-We had just adapted to a transient lifestyle, once again...

It's amazing how much can happen in 10 years... how fast time flies...

-I work as a recruitment consultant for Bombardier, for the time being...

-I am now rediscovering my love of '80's and '90's music - simply because most of what is put out today sucks...

-My roomate is a bear named Annie (Wait! That didn't change...)

-We finally got ourselves a house in Granada Hills, CA (come visit!)

-I'll be spending NYE here with the so-called family

-I wouldn't mind another "donor" since my scholarship didn't cover everything, and I partied a little too hard with my loans, and decided to not work right out of uni and travel...

-I do not know how many countries I have actually visited because I stopped counting between 60-70...

-I am 32, yet I still get carded when buying cigarettes and/or alcohol... YAY!

-And now we are adapting to having a "real home"...

Funny how life works?

A FEEL-GOOD CONVERSATION...

So L-to-the-motherfuckin'-A... eh...

I had a great conversation with someone that took the time out (at an insanely huge event) to let me vent about what's been bringing me down, lately... certain so-called friends, artists that choose to feel their egos and not their souls...

And I'm still kind of stung by the comment made weeks ago... who knew that it would really fuck with my head... and my self-image...

As of working in Hollywood hasn't done enough already... LOL.

I wish that my situation was not what it was... but it is what it is...

But random acts of kindness keep me going...

I don't blame LA. That would be moronic of me. In fact, the people that have hurt me most aren't even from here...

FUCK. I blame the hormones.

NO ONE READS THIS, ANYWAY... LOL...

So far, October of 2009 has been strange for me. It was supposed to be a great month - epic, even. But as usual, shit happens. 

So I went to the event in Riverside, CA called BABY TATTOOVILLE. If you are unfamiliar, check it out. www.babytattooville.com. And before you ask, NO I WASN'T A PAYING ATTENDEE. I was simply a guest there to enjoy the surprises that were to be had...

To sum up this crazy weekend:

-I survived on little sleep

-I lost respect for certain artists...

-Yet, I gained respect for others...

-I met some new people

-Oregon seemed to own it this year... hahaha... ALL OF YOU RULE!

-With the exception of one hack, all of this year's invited attendees were super rad...

-But even the "hack" warmed up to me...

-I realized what it was like to be used and tossed aside, more or less...

-I had a moment were someone accidently reminded me of how "not hot" I am...

-So I had a few drinks...

-Explored some of the crazy crooks and crannies of The Mission Inn...

-Found "Alice"...

-Had someone save me from feeling like a complete loser, after that "ugly" moment... 

-I saved that voice mail to remind myself that I am not the loser in the situation...

-Got so many AMAZING sketches... THANK YOU ARTISTS!!!

-I want to be born as a world-renowned, temper-mental artist in my next life...

-Had amazing food...

-But I preferred TIO'S TACOS

-Finally got a set of Audrey Kawasaki prints for myself...

-I never thought that I would get sick of seeing naked girls lying around...

But that following Monday morning I couldn't even bring myself to drop off my friend at LAX, as I was puking violently in the wee hours... so he had to take the shuttle...

I got some sleep before I had to wake up and work on this project for a hack...

Shit, he's too much of a narcissist to read this shit, anyway...

I've been getting a lot of cold shoulders, lately...

I think that people are thinking that I am not very useful to them these days... but then they need help and my phone rings... or my inbox gets full.

Awesome.

I like helping people out, but it's now time to get selective.

But that's OK. I have Annie. I have my secret identity.

And the truth is, some people just plain suck.

Oh, and it was my birthday a few days ago. Thanks to those that greeted me. For those that didn't, it's OK. But to the person that knew that it was and blatantly didn't "bother" with even a standard greeting... FUCK YOU. And don't bother with your lame ass excuses because I KNOW that you were able to greet someone else. LOSER. And this bothers me because it was YOU. Someone that I thought that I was cool with. 

But then there were moments when strangers redeemed themselves...

and I discovered a great artist named YELLENA JAMES.

So all is good with the world...

Maybe I just need to get the fuck out of LA for a bit... 

NYC is a calling...

I LOVE YOU, MAN.

Thinking back, I feel as if I have lived several lives. There was the part when I was young. Then there was the part where I almost became old. There is the past, the present, and what will become the future. I sometimes find myself haunted by the past... struggling with the present... and not caring for the future... Many take one look at me and think that they can somehow sum me up just by my appearance... REALLY? Then they find out stuff about me... see me talking to so-and-so... some even have the balls to ask me "WHO ARE YOU?" w/o really caring about how I was as a person... but rather whom I know or knows ME. All I can reply with is a simple "NOBODY". And walk away. Because it's true. But hey, my mom thinks I am special... hehehe...

My friends aren't POKEMON cards... I don't see some as being more valuable than others... I value them more than my relationship with most of my family. In fact, MY FRIENDS ARE MY FAMILY.

I get asked a lot of questions about my previous lives, but the truth is that more than half of the time I suspect that the people that ask don't really give a shit. And I'm OK with this. So I say: "I'm Kat" and leave it at that. "I am in LA because I got tired (and broke) from traveling for 3 years... STRAIGHT."

But today as I was sorting out some stuff and came across this photo I had taken a few years ago... and then this question popped into my head that a friend (who recently passed away) had asked me... WHERE WERE YOU MOST HAPPY?

I remember me telling him about this image as we slurped our SLURPEES... I even made a copy for him at a LONDON DRUGS because he asked... I wrote a message on the back... just for him. Never realized how much this moment would affect me... 

Thanks for saving me. Thanks for making me remember.

I MISS YOU. I LOVE YOU. THIS IS FOR YOU.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?

My answer to this question is simple: YES. Because w/o magic, I would cease to exist. 

Etch-A-Sketch

So, I get back from my little weekend away and everything is a mess. Not my mess, but a mess... and some of these messes are on my "clean up" list...

-People forgot that the end of the month was the 31st of August. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

-DJ AM died and now some of my homies are getting messaged left, right, and centre about the details to where his memorial/funeral services will be held... ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

-People "changing their mind" and then expecting me to bow to their expectations within the same time frame. Again, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

-And people being pissed at me because I didn't show up to this or that... respond to their stupid message or status updates... all because took time offline... DO I EVEN NEED TO REPEAT MYSELF?

FUCK THIS. I'm not aging 10 years because some people decide to take the moronic route.

So to break away from the stupidities of "hustling"...

Even though I had to much work to do and stuff to catch up on, I decided to babysit these 2 kids for a bit today - and they rock. I am going to write a book about how awesome they really are... I never really had any interest in having kids, but I always looked forward to being the cool aunt. Well, I am most definitely cool.

They are having a garage sale this weekend and let me have first crack at the goodies... 

I got some pretty nice scores:

-Etch-A-Sketch: $2

-Baby Beluga Chubby Book: $1

-Scrabble Apple: $2

Who knew that a measly $5 could buy so much happiness and nostalgia... and flood me with newfound inspiration...

So Today I Was Judged...

I just have to keep telling myself that for ever 100 cool people that I meet, there's always going to be someone that will make me wish that I had gone the course of a recluse... Maybe I am being a little over-the-top, but during this conversation I realized just how annoying he was. And how much I don't need people like this in my life... there are enough people out there that I could "give myself" to...

I also learned a harsh lesson in how I have to be careful about the company that I keep... no room for close-minded people... people that pose as art lovers, only because it's the only thing that keeps themselves from a truly dull, and mind-numbing existence... 

I don't want to hang around people that I feel I have to tiptoe around...

So... I got called out for being defensive by some dude over bubble tea and beef stew because I tried to offer up a reasonable explanation for something that he had tried to read too much into... Here's the bit that started it all...

Mr. X was given a painting by an artist who had offered it up to him out of kindness. This artist had then marked it as SOLD in this inventory. Mr X found this shady, assuming that the artist had wanted to represent it as being "sold" - making it more appealing to the market...

I explained that this being marked "sold" could be one of many reasons:

-laziness

-a way to avoid having other people "ask/demand free stuff"...

-there is no option for "gifted" on their website...

He insisted that this was shady... that the artist was trying to feed the hype beast into making the public think that the artist was in demand...

I explained that THIS WAS AN ASSUMPTION.

SO, THIS MR. X GOT A PIECE OF ART THAT HE WANTED FOR FREE AS A GIFT, YET HE STILL HAS THE NERVE TO FUCKING CRITICIZE THE ARTIST AS A FRAUD? REALLY?

Wow... no wonder people are so guarded... one cannot even give stuff away for the sake of giving it away w/o having someone think the worst of it...

And art, no less...

He then had the nerve to criticize the fact that I have a teddy bear that I cherish...

Which is really none of his concern and I feel sorry that he cannot even enjoy the humour in this... like ALL OF MY TRUE FRIENDS CAN... You all know whom you are...

But the best part is when they started to ask about "my life" and when I tell them some stuff about me, he says that I set myself up by being trusting... 

His girlfriend was kind of embarrassed by this... but she agreed with him. But them again, she has to go home w/ him. And then she made a comment, he disagreed and got all "defensive"...

I don't have time for this shit...

So I have had time to think... and I realize that I should've walked out of the cafe rather than talked it through.... because not only did they make me feel uncomfortable, I actually let this dude make myself feel inferior to him... and the truth is, it was a waste of my fucking time...

I am glad that they love art to escape their dull and sheltered lives... I am glad that they got to know some people in the art community through me... I am glad that this happened because the truth is, I hate hanging out w/ people whom I have to apologize for... No room for flexibility and other views? No gracias...

I love art... I am passionate about it. But dealing with people like this take the fun out of it... I wasn't put on this planet to read into everything... to question everything... to challenge everything...

Sometimes... I just want to enjoy life... love... friends... family... art... writing... feeling...

Maybe I'll come back and edit this one day, but maybe I won't... I had to vent... besides, no one reads this anyway... and I don't have a pen and paper handy... LOL...

The Dopeness... of being a mess...

So it's been a long time since I had blogged... this would be the 2nd time? I was thinking about how weird that of all days (or rather, nights) that I would choose 08/07/09... Trying to remember this particular day from years passed, but tonight the full moon is trying to tell me something... perhaps it has been trying to do so for the past few days... it keeps looking at me... peeking at me through my window... so I just stared for a bit... hoping that I didn't grow fangs or unruly body hair... and then now, I just feel like "blogging"...

Not sure... but oh well... I didn't ask you to waste your time to read this... 

My life is a mess. But not the kind of mess that necessarily all bad... I just don't see this light at the end of the tunnel... Is this good? Is this bad? I can't say for now...

I spent a good part of July in a really messed up state... finding out some awful truths... realizing that I needed to be careful of whom I trust... missing certain people... lacking creativity... not wanting to get out of bed on some days... extreme heat... being used... being second string... having a loved one driven away... not being able to say proper good byes...

Yet, I also recall floods of emotions rushing through me... waking me up... laughing... crying... and then the dancing... the singing... the art... the franticness of it all... the adrenaline of riding my bike in the early mornings when the air is crisp... not giving a fuck... and meeting some people that I feel comfortable talking to... air guitar in the hallway... bubble tea meet-ups... lots of pho... board games... and seriously great conversations... 

And I have cut down smoking because the last guy that I sculpted for complained that the piece that I had made for smelled of smoke... My bad... he was more than gracious about it...

I think back to when I was chilling in Kyrgyzstan... and I miss my friend Anna from there. 

I think back to Kazakhstan... and I do not miss being detained because I had "the wrong visa"...

I think back to my beloved Kosovo and remember the friends that I made... the hope for a redeemed future...

I think back to Beijing and how I got hit by a car...

I think back to Tibet and learned the true meaning of devotion...

I look back at La Paz and remember almost being killed...

I think about Mamta and Mahesh's wedding on Goa and finding he heart that is India...

I think about this man that I had met in Madagascar and had found out that he had died in a plane crash...

I think about South Africa and were I first fell in love...

Not sure where I am going with all of this... but I like it...

I feel as if I had awakened from a comatose state... I feel as if, once again, I can breathe...

I miss my cousin... but I know that she is well...

I miss my friends... because YOU GUYS ARE MY FAMILY...

I even miss my dad - he may be an asshole, but he taught me how to be a tough bitch...

I love my mom, for she gave me life... and chances...

I love Annie because you are always there... even in my darkest moments...

Like I had previously mentioned, I am a mess... but as I sit here crying, both tears of joy and sadness... I least I am a mess of all sorts... and once again, happy for my existence...

NEW YEAR, NEW THINGS...

Hi! So my title pretty much says it all... After 3 years of serious traveling, I am now semi-based in LA... working a day job, and trying to keep at my art... Trying to simplify my life, work on my writing, and just figure out where to go from here...

-I collect toys

-I am working with a group of "paid" artists and doing customs bases for their sculpts, etc...

-I am catching up on sleep

-I am already trying to save up enough $$$ to get out of here...

I am not really good at "blogging" but I will try... My life is not very exciting nowadays, anyway - so you aren't missing much...

I wish you all a happy new year!!!

Kat