So Today I Was Judged...

I just have to keep telling myself that for ever 100 cool people that I meet, there's always going to be someone that will make me wish that I had gone the course of a recluse... Maybe I am being a little over-the-top, but during this conversation I realized just how annoying he was. And how much I don't need people like this in my life... there are enough people out there that I could "give myself" to...

I also learned a harsh lesson in how I have to be careful about the company that I keep... no room for close-minded people... people that pose as art lovers, only because it's the only thing that keeps themselves from a truly dull, and mind-numbing existence... 

I don't want to hang around people that I feel I have to tiptoe around...

So... I got called out for being defensive by some dude over bubble tea and beef stew because I tried to offer up a reasonable explanation for something that he had tried to read too much into... Here's the bit that started it all...

Mr. X was given a painting by an artist who had offered it up to him out of kindness. This artist had then marked it as SOLD in this inventory. Mr X found this shady, assuming that the artist had wanted to represent it as being "sold" - making it more appealing to the market...

I explained that this being marked "sold" could be one of many reasons:

-laziness

-a way to avoid having other people "ask/demand free stuff"...

-there is no option for "gifted" on their website...

He insisted that this was shady... that the artist was trying to feed the hype beast into making the public think that the artist was in demand...

I explained that THIS WAS AN ASSUMPTION.

SO, THIS MR. X GOT A PIECE OF ART THAT HE WANTED FOR FREE AS A GIFT, YET HE STILL HAS THE NERVE TO FUCKING CRITICIZE THE ARTIST AS A FRAUD? REALLY?

Wow... no wonder people are so guarded... one cannot even give stuff away for the sake of giving it away w/o having someone think the worst of it...

And art, no less...

He then had the nerve to criticize the fact that I have a teddy bear that I cherish...

Which is really none of his concern and I feel sorry that he cannot even enjoy the humour in this... like ALL OF MY TRUE FRIENDS CAN... You all know whom you are...

But the best part is when they started to ask about "my life" and when I tell them some stuff about me, he says that I set myself up by being trusting... 

His girlfriend was kind of embarrassed by this... but she agreed with him. But them again, she has to go home w/ him. And then she made a comment, he disagreed and got all "defensive"...

I don't have time for this shit...

So I have had time to think... and I realize that I should've walked out of the cafe rather than talked it through.... because not only did they make me feel uncomfortable, I actually let this dude make myself feel inferior to him... and the truth is, it was a waste of my fucking time...

I am glad that they love art to escape their dull and sheltered lives... I am glad that they got to know some people in the art community through me... I am glad that this happened because the truth is, I hate hanging out w/ people whom I have to apologize for... No room for flexibility and other views? No gracias...

I love art... I am passionate about it. But dealing with people like this take the fun out of it... I wasn't put on this planet to read into everything... to question everything... to challenge everything...

Sometimes... I just want to enjoy life... love... friends... family... art... writing... feeling...

Maybe I'll come back and edit this one day, but maybe I won't... I had to vent... besides, no one reads this anyway... and I don't have a pen and paper handy... LOL...

The Dopeness... of being a mess...

So it's been a long time since I had blogged... this would be the 2nd time? I was thinking about how weird that of all days (or rather, nights) that I would choose 08/07/09... Trying to remember this particular day from years passed, but tonight the full moon is trying to tell me something... perhaps it has been trying to do so for the past few days... it keeps looking at me... peeking at me through my window... so I just stared for a bit... hoping that I didn't grow fangs or unruly body hair... and then now, I just feel like "blogging"...

Not sure... but oh well... I didn't ask you to waste your time to read this... 

My life is a mess. But not the kind of mess that necessarily all bad... I just don't see this light at the end of the tunnel... Is this good? Is this bad? I can't say for now...

I spent a good part of July in a really messed up state... finding out some awful truths... realizing that I needed to be careful of whom I trust... missing certain people... lacking creativity... not wanting to get out of bed on some days... extreme heat... being used... being second string... having a loved one driven away... not being able to say proper good byes...

Yet, I also recall floods of emotions rushing through me... waking me up... laughing... crying... and then the dancing... the singing... the art... the franticness of it all... the adrenaline of riding my bike in the early mornings when the air is crisp... not giving a fuck... and meeting some people that I feel comfortable talking to... air guitar in the hallway... bubble tea meet-ups... lots of pho... board games... and seriously great conversations... 

And I have cut down smoking because the last guy that I sculpted for complained that the piece that I had made for smelled of smoke... My bad... he was more than gracious about it...

I think back to when I was chilling in Kyrgyzstan... and I miss my friend Anna from there. 

I think back to Kazakhstan... and I do not miss being detained because I had "the wrong visa"...

I think back to my beloved Kosovo and remember the friends that I made... the hope for a redeemed future...

I think back to Beijing and how I got hit by a car...

I think back to Tibet and learned the true meaning of devotion...

I look back at La Paz and remember almost being killed...

I think about Mamta and Mahesh's wedding on Goa and finding he heart that is India...

I think about this man that I had met in Madagascar and had found out that he had died in a plane crash...

I think about South Africa and were I first fell in love...

Not sure where I am going with all of this... but I like it...

I feel as if I had awakened from a comatose state... I feel as if, once again, I can breathe...

I miss my cousin... but I know that she is well...

I miss my friends... because YOU GUYS ARE MY FAMILY...

I even miss my dad - he may be an asshole, but he taught me how to be a tough bitch...

I love my mom, for she gave me life... and chances...

I love Annie because you are always there... even in my darkest moments...

Like I had previously mentioned, I am a mess... but as I sit here crying, both tears of joy and sadness... I least I am a mess of all sorts... and once again, happy for my existence...